Saturday, June 28, 2008

SCOTCH EGG COLLECTIVE- UNFEELING - CORPULENT - CACTUS HUMPING - DOMESTIC PARTNERS

Four times this week, while on vacation, I received substandard hugs from each and every person associated with me. Let's get this straight, gang. I am emotionally needy, a little lonely, slightly dirty, and require hugs so sweet and strong that they border on the homoerotic. I DON'T THINK THIS IS TOO MUCH TO ASK. After all, Elbow Grease is, at the end of the day, America's one true inexhaustible export.


Francis
Muleshoe, NM
U.S. of A.

Jacci Mancini uncaring - noncommitted - Cat Worshipping - Wife

"Twice this week while on Vacation from work, I did not get served any dinner. I actually had to go to bed hungry on both occasions. I go to work every day and recieve only two off days per week. I don't have any knowledge of cooking and because I do lack this skill I don't do it. Get it? I require food at least twice a day, sometimes more when I'am off duty.

Sandy
Painesville Twp, Ohio
U.S.A."


"You've Got To Be Kidding

Let me see if I understand your complaint. You were off work for 2 days or more and your wife did not cook for you...is this correct?

If so, let me just say that I am a working wife and mother who cooks MOST days. Usually, when my husband has his days off, he cooks for our family. If I didn't cook, he would find something, like cereal or maybe treat himself to McDonalds. He'll even make salads, and sandwiches if he needed to. There is no reason for you to not eat. And blaming your wife is just plain childish.

If she is as busy as most women in today's world, she deserves a break from the house and kitchen too."


"Learning to navigate the kitchen.....

Sandy I have a few suggestions that may help you in your quest to eat dinner (on occasion) without the assistance of your wife.
(1) Walk to the kitchen, slowly or you may fall over your tremendous ego and open the fridge to find what is in that large cold box.
(2) Find something to put between two pieces of bread (i.e. meat, hotdogs, etc)or better yet find some peanut butter and slap it between bread.

Are you actually this stupid?
This is the MOST ridiculous thing I've ever heard of. Of course you could always stop by a fast food restaraunt and pick your self up something to eat, idiot!

Grow up or get your mommy to take care of you, I'm just praying you don't have any children to care for.. Lord have mercy!"

" What the $%&*^*!?!? Cat worshipping?

Sandy,

This has to be the most ridiculous post I have ever seen. It even beats the recent one from Brian in Everett, WA about missing one McNugget from his 10-piece meal. Are you sure you're not from Tupper Lake, NY? Posts of this quality usually only come from there.

And by the way, if you are Sandy, and the report is about Jacci (pronounced like Jackie?), then what is your relationship to each other? Mother/daughter, husband/wife, lesbian life partner?

Cat worshipping? It's in the header, but not mentioned anywhere in the post. What's that all about?

If this post is true , then you are a sad, sad person."

"A MAN, A CAN, A PLAN

Sandy, there is a book titled 'A Man, A Can, A Plan', available at your local bookstore. Buy it.

You do know that there are things called 'soup' and 'chili'? There are even things like Spaghetti-O's and Raviolio. They come in cans. Once you master the art of using a can opener to remove the top of the can, turn can over and place ingredients into microwaveable bowl, open microwave door (you'll figure it out), put bowl inside (not the can or other metallic objects such as spoons or forks), close door and set timer for approximately 2 to 3 minutes. You can have fun watching the bowl go round and round as it heats. When the little bell goes 'ding', open the door, pick up bowl (use caution, as it may be hot and cause a boo-boo on your little handsies), place on a plate, get spoon, place spoon in bowl and EAT.

You cannot POSSIBLY be that helpless. If you are, God help us all."